If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
