For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
