i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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