apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
