So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
