If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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