Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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