it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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