I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
