marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
