Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
