He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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