We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
