blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
