the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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