Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
