I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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