I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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