I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
