i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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