If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
