U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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