If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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