apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
