Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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