people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
