Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
