I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
