Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
