my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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