I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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