I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
