guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
