so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I see more hoeing in ur future
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
