You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
