i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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