Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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