it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
