Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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