...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
