i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
