Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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