IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
