it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
