Porn is love you can see.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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