as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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