I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
