All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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