I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
