Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
