dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
