All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
