my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I want to be your penis for a week.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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