Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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