u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was like eating out sand paper
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
